Where am I going?

Life is a journey that everyone takes; it constantly walks to a path which the end cannot be seen, it continuously sees crossroads and 2 way lines, it has rough roads and smooth ones. Life is a journey, it doesn't stop or even pull over but sometimes life needs a tow truck for you to keep moving on.

It's been a year. I can't really say that it is a fast year for me but it is just satisfying year. A year had past since I left my first school of nursing - De La Salle Health Science Institute. A school I often call a "Bird Cage", a "Cell" or a "Temple for Medical Monks". It's funny how I hate that school when I was still there. Now, I miss it.

I didn't really left the school but I was kicked out. Now you can tell that I wasn't really a bright student, primarily because I don't really study lessons and do paper works on time. I like rush work, meaning: I like doing things on the dead line itself whether be it a paper work or studying for a long exam. I deserve my punishment for not being a good student. It's a prestigious school that everyone wants to me in and I'm one of the lucky one who got in but eventually didn't really appreciate it until I was forced to come out.

I am now in a new school. I wont say it is as good as my last one but it can manage - a bit. Many people in my new school says that;

"Hey Marc! You really do recover fast."

and I would just reply,

"Yeah. Maybe because you guys are easy to be with."

But the question still remains in me. Have I really recovered from the trauma that I have felt? That's one thing I still wanna know. I think I have but sometimes I think I'm just fooling myself. I can't help thinking that someday I may still have a chance of coming back, that I can magically reverse everything, that everything can be corrected. But reality hurts, this is the time where you ask "Why does regrets always happen last?". It's never easy to accept that you need to say goodbye not only to the people you have grown with but to a place that has been there from the start.

I know HSI did their best to come up with something that could help me. I often deny it, I don't know why. Actually my Pharma professor (the subject that kicked me out hard) did everything with in her powers to help me really. I know she will deny it and will say "You're the only thinking that." but I could feel it. She put me near where she always stay when she's doing her lecture; she's the kind of prof that roams around the room while discussing but she always have a spot in that room where she will stay while explaining to us a mechanism of a drug and she constantly ask me questions about the drug she's been discussing; I dunno if she hates me so much or she's just checking if I'm really listening and studying my lessons.

I often ignore those things and continue with my lavish lifestyle. And the result? This!! I'm not saying that I'm not happy where I am now because I'm the type of guy that could manage to pull out the happiness in me even though I'm in a really depressing situation - it saves my from committing suicide. Back to where I was. This is the out come of it. My future is affected and everything is really out of place. Everything is already plotted back then and now I have to start to zero.

I wished I was doing an evaluation of myself but I felt like it kinda ended up as a self rant. Ranting about myself and how stupid I was and still. I think after a year I've already improved on something. I know my weakness, and my stupidity prevents me from looking at it. It's just like you know the reason why your ship is sinking but you don't do anything to stop it. *Sigh* Hopefully this post will constantly remind me of the hole in my ship so myself will think of a way to cover that hole and I wouldn't resort to abandoning my own ship.

"Even though the path is dark,

Even though it doesn't seem to end.

 A hand will help you find the courage to stand up

and continue with the journey

with a smile on your face." - mico